So here we are in the midst of these deeply serious Days of Awe, a period of introspection, of seeking forgiveness, of turning toward our better selves, of letting go of our sins so we can start a new year on a better footing, with a clean slate, as it were.
But what if we have no sins? What if there is nothing we have done for which we need to seek forgiveness, from either man or God? What if we already embody the highest ideals of human behavior, the greatest aspirations of decency, kindness and the like? If we're already at the top of the mountain, where do we then go?
I thought these thoughts as I worked my way through various prayers while sitting next to my son, Noah. Here is a child, albeit in a young man's body, who has no idea what a sin is. I cannot even explain it to him, as abstractions are beyond his comprehension. When we stood together to cast our sins into flowing water Monday evening, I asked Noah what he did wrong that he was sorry for. He looked at me like I was asking him the oddest question on earth. Just like when I give him pennies to toss in a fountain and ask him to make a wish, Noah hasn't a clue what I mean.
What of someone who is without sin? In my head somewhere I hear this phrase--biblical?--about he who is without sin casting the first stone, or something like that. Funny thing is, Noah truly is without sin, but would never think to cast a stone at or judge another human being. The first would hurt someone (and he knows that's a bad thing to do), and the second is just too abstract.
So what of all these prayers, these apologies, these requests for forgiveness, for a new lease on life, for a chance to do better? They don't apply to my son, which means they don't apply to many other sinless folks wandering our earth. What prayers might make sense for them? What tshuvah--what turning--should they attempt? I am not wise enough to know, but I have a suggestion or two. Perhaps prayers they might utter could go something like this: "God, if you are real, keep me as I am, with all the gentleness with which I have been endowed. Don't let me become cynical, bitter, competitive or judgmental, for those are things that make others ugly, from the inside out. If you could though, could you help me understand a bit more of what people say to me and how they behave? I don't need to be like everyone else, but if I could turn toward them a little, with a little more comprehension, maybe I would be a little less lost, a little less dependent, and a little more on a path where more people could recognize me as their companion."
Since Noah doesn't know what a prayer is, and why we might utter one, I will keep that one for him, and will hope that if there is a God, that God is listening. Above all, I hope the prayers of the sinless can be heard. And answered.
