To Be or Not to Be: A Boy?

It's been a long time since I've written. I think about writing a lot, but it seems the thoughts just swirl around in my head, instead. Like recently, when Noah approached a beautiful blond classmate (he seems to have a special thing for blondes) and told her, animatedly, "I'm so happy to see you." As he said it, he walked over and gave her a hug (very appropriately). And next came, "Can I wear your dress?"

Sometimes, I do wonder if Noah suffers from some kind of gender confusion. He often asks if he's pretty. When he was younger, he often asked to wear tutus (and borrowed cousin Sara's when we visited). He's talked pretty regularly about being a princess or a ballerina. The challenge here is that I can't really talk to Noah about this the way I might talk to a non-disabled child. After all, how do I even explain notions of gender and gender roles to a child who doesn't understand abstractions?

Do I think Noah could be wondering about his own sexuality? Not really sure. All kinds of things happen during puberty. I just know that I don't know how to help him understand the mental and physical urgings he might have/be having. Just one more thing to add to the endless list of things Noah needs help understanding. And just one more thing I'm ill-equipped to help him with.

Sometimes, this stuff is just funny. After all, what can you say to a child who announces to you, "My penis is hot" other than, "Honey, you tackle that one; it's not my department." At those moments, you just have to appreciate the honesty of a child who doesn't know to hide his feelings or his confusion. There's something really beautiful about that, especially when you think how much of our kids' sexuality is treated as taboo, as scary, as a tap to be turned off. Noah just is. He sees a beautiful girl and he tells her how happy he is to see her. He gives her a hug. And he wants her dress. He doesn't want to un dress. It's refreshing somehow. It's certainly non-threatening, which must be a blessing to girls who feel a little at sea in middle school's giant tub of testosterone.