I had lunch with a colleague and coffee with a friend on the same day. In both conversations, we came around to family matters, after chatting a bit about work-related stuff. I have the oldest kids among the three of us, so supposedly I have some wisdom to share. Well, the wisdom this day went something like this:
So, I got into a not atypical argument with my daughter recently, and at one point I found myself at the top of the stairs, looking down at her. That's when I screamed the following: "If I were a different kind of mother, you'd be dead by now!!" Exactly what kind of mother? you might be asking, since the one doing the screaming seems pretty off the wall. I was actually thinking of parents who beat their kids, if that distinction is helpful.
But was I any different from a parent who whacks a child or worse? After all, here I was berating my daughter with my words, leaving her to wonder what kind of lunatic is half in charge of raising her. Just another one of those moments when you ponder your capacity to raise kids, or even your willingness to do so. My daughter rightly called me out on my behavior, telling me I was behaving like a child. Yes I was. An angry, petulant, frustrated child. I was lashing out with my tongue, rather than my fists, but there isn't really much difference. Some might even say that physical wounds heal, but psychic wounds...
In the morning I did what I'm not sure parents are supposed to do (at least I'm pretty sure there's some parent guru who'd say parents shouldn't), and I apologized to my daughter, telling her that in fact she was right, I had behaved like a child.
Strangely enough, neither my lunch nor coffee companion fled from me. In fact, each seemed to listen as I offered my experience/advice regarding homework, maturation, independence, etc. I'm going to assume that each one considers me a normal, dedicated, loving mom who had one really, really bad moment.
Raise your hand if any of this sounds familiar. If it doesn't, maybe this blog is not for you.
3 comments:
Nina, I would say you're an uber-dedicated, über-loving mom! And anyone who claims they haven't had such moments is a liar or living in la la land or both. We've all been there and for what it's worth, I think kids really respect their parents when they apologize and admit that we all lose it sometimes.
"If I were a different kind of mother, you'd be dead by now!!"
Mike laughed out loud.
raising both hands, actual waving them frantically!!
enjoying your blog so much
Barbara
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