Parenting During a Pandemic: Not Vanquishing Joy

It can feel strange--maybe even indulgent--to express joy, satisfaction, contentment and the like during a pandemic.  After all, there's been a pretty steady parade of grim news.  Yes, there have been bright spots too, but still.  Millions are suffering and so many have died.  And yet...

As I sat around the Friday night dinner table with my family, I felt fine. More than fine, even.  I felt a kind of calmness and happiness I haven't felt in a while.  And it wasn't triggered by much.  In fact, the scene was really quite ordinary, though we all haven't been together this much in literally years. The clinking of forks against plates, the drinking of wine, the kiddush that preceded the meal, the blessing of our kids--these are all familiar parts of our family narrative.  But there was something extra sweet about this last Friday night dinner.  Maybe it was that my eldest hadn't been home at that point for long, and hadn't been home for an extended period of time in nearly ten years.  That's a long time for a family not to be whole.

The thing that most struck me though, was the laughter.  There was something light and joyous in our gathering.  That's probably extra noteworthy because we're a pretty serious bunch.  We can be silly--even ridiculous, at times--but our default is to be a pretty serious, thinking, sometimes arguing crew.  So the laughter was especially delicious.  I can't even remember what we were laughing about, and it certainly doesn't matter.  The fact of the laughter was the thing.

I reminded myself to appreciate the sounds around our dinner table because I know better than to take them for granted.  And lo and behold, the very next day, I found myself in a deep, dark funk.  I couldn't tell you why, but I was just so down.  Sunday was better, and I couldn't tell you why that was the case either.  That rollercoaster of emotion can be so exhausting.  Maybe it's all pandemic-driven, but I honestly don't think so. This up/down thing has long been a feature for me, not a bug.  I'm almost used to it.  But not quite.  Maybe that's why episodes of joy and lightness matter so much.  And maybe that's why I was determined not to feel guilty about not feeling guilty about feeling joy smack in the middle of a pandemic.