'Tis the season of graduations of all kinds--high school, college, graduate school. Like millions of other American students, my eldest graduated--just this week--from his graduate school. I sat with him in my bedroom at 3p.m., both of us curled up with his laptop, as he tried to activate the link for his law school graduation "ceremony." Truth be told, it wasn't much of one.
First, the law school dean offered his words of congratulation and encouragement. Then individual photos of graduates scrolled by, interspersed with offers of congratulation from faculty and administrators. Several pointed to their hope and expectation of celebrating graduates in person, one day soon, when it is safe. Anthony Kennedy popped up on the screen. I listened to him blather on about the Constitution and freedom, all while thinking, you're the schmuck who voted to gut the Voting Rights Act. And you're the jerk who gave us Brett Kavanaugh. Keep blathering. Hopefully history will write an accurate portrait of the damage you've done. And couldn't this "elite" law school have found someone who didn't shit on democracy to offer words of congratulation and encouragement to these soon-to-be upholders (we hope!) of the law, these defenders of justice (we hope!) And like an answered prayer, Elizabeth Warren popped up on the screen. Praise the Lord! Someone at the law school had sense and decency.
My son looked handsome in his photo. Maybe it was from his college days? He was clean-shaven (making his mom very happy), and wore a pale blue button-down shirt. He looked healthy and happy. Sadly, he seemed the very opposite of happy throughout this event. Not sure what it was. He's not one for these kinds of things in any form, but even for him, a remote graduation, after weeks of quarantining with the virus, then quarantining without it because there was basically nothing else to do, followed by not being able to see friends in person, or being able to celebrate this milestone, say goodbye, wish each other luck, give each other high-fives and hugs, make promises to stay in touch, etc. etc., must have taken their toll.
So what should have been a happy occasion was turned into something quite downbeat. I'm sure not all graduates processed it the way my son did. But so be it. Some will be upbeat no matter what. Others will be more downbeat, no matter what. I do hope my son takes some pride in having finished. I know that he didn't seem to like law school much. A professor here and there, sure. But overall, he found it boring. He spent more of his time and treasure on all kinds of non-classroom-related activities, like working with immigrants, with military veterans, with undocumented and unaccompanied minors, with those seeking to have their records expunged. He co-taught a high school civics class, and worked on the cases of death row inmates. So he did the stuff that spoke to his essence, to his soul, while doing what he had to do to earn a degree. Other mothers might browbeat their kids over their grades, over their performance. I honestly couldn't care less. Do your best or don't. That's on you. But no matter how you perform, always be the person I can be proud of and even more important, be the person you can be proud of. If my son came out of law school with his values intact, with his soul unsullied, with his moral compass in working order, then that's success. It doesn't depend on an in-person celebration, on good or bad speakers, or on class rank. It might for some; it never will for me. Or, I think, for my son.
1 comment:
So much to relate to here as a parent, and as someone raising kids during a pandemic. Thanks for the reminder of what to focus on, of what's ultimately important. Raising kids is always a challenge; raising good kids is the hardest thing of all. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we don't succeed. But we should always try.
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